TWIST AND SHOUT
by Mariane Holbrook

When my young friend Karen told me she was “really into praise and worship” at her church in West Virginia, I smiled. 

But one day, Karen apparently gave new definition to the term “twist and shout” and her church is still giggling.

Karen is a genuinely likable, pretty woman in her early forties whose warmth is only exceeded by the sun’s. Someone needs to clone her. She would rather be in church than any place on earth. And she’s there every single time the doors open and her fragile health permits.

Getting dressed one night for church, she was unsure whether her black silk skirt was suitable. Her friend, Joan, reassured her and off they went to the church service where twenty-six people were ready for baptism.

Karen and Joan chose seats in the second row from the front; they were that eager to be part of the service. The large sanctuary and balcony were both packed as usual in this large, active 2000 member church.

After some spirited congregational singing, the baptismal service began. Shouting and singing accompanied each person who was baptized, with the congregation on its feet praising the Lord.

Karen stood in her pew, clapping, singing, keeping time with the loud music with her feet like everyone else. By her own admission, she was “really into it.” Karen explained, “That night the whole church was havin’ a time. This woman got baptized and her 87-year-old granddad and grandmom got up and started dancing, they were so happy. He was a minister and had been praying for this young woman all her life.”

Suddenly, someone behind Karen tapped her on the shoulder. Her first thought was, “EXCUSE ME, but I am praisin’ the Lord here!” But the lady behind her tapped Karen on the shoulder again.

Karen finally turned around to face the lady who said, “Excuse me, ma’am, but do you have a skirt on?”

Karen quickly looked down and all she saw was her green sweater and her panty hose. She let out a scream which was heard above the amplified music still going at full volume. Grabbing a coat belonging to a little boy sitting next to her, she threw it over her head and sat down.

Her friend Joan, convulsed with a mixture of laughter and horror, crawled under the pew to search for Karen’s black silk skirt. It was nowhere to be found. Karen progressed from panic to near heart failure. She knew everyone in the balcony had seen her and likely several hundred people sitting behind her.

All at once, Karen reached up to straighten her sweater and there in a roll around her waist was her black silk skirt.

There was a good ending to her story, though. The three young men sitting behind her made a hasty decision that this was the church of their dreams and they joined the next Sunday morning.

And a new, exciting chapter for the manual, “Innovative Ways To Increase Church Membership” was rushed into print.