CAT LETTERS TO GOD

by Mariane Holbrook

Dear God -
What kind of terrible
punishment do you plan for that despicable vet who spayed me?

Dear God -
Is it true that angel wings are made from spun hairballs?
I could increase my production if the pay is right.

Dear God -
Will there be mice in heaven? If so, can I repent
now for the ones I've already killed and eaten?

Dear God -
How come no cats aren't mentioned in your Bible?
How do you plan to correct this error?
Do you plan to write a sequel?

Dear God-
I assume you're going to severely punish my worthless,
no good, unfaithful, undependable, disgusting, immature, 
lazy, ex-husband, Whatz-Hiz-Name.
Are you open to suggestions?

Dear God-
Since you gave us cats nine lives, 
does that mean you’ll also give us
nine times more food in heaven than dogs get?

Dear God:
How close will I be to your bird aviary in heaven?
I like to have my snacks nearby.